Gonna be a quiet day.

First, thank you to Rei for her amazing post last night! Even moreso, I'd like to thank her for always being so loving and supportive in person. Even when she's having one of her bad days, she somehow puts it to the side for me. :) I cry a lot, you guys. I know I come across as a cute, bubbly person most of the time, but I have been hurt so much and in so many ways. I internalize most of it and I know it's bad, but hopefully through therapy and having Rei to tell these things to, I can let a lot of it out and maybe stop crying so much and lose some of the nightmares. I'm gonna tell you a little about my horrible time in high school now.

When I was in high school, I dreaded PE more than just about anything else in life. I started developing when I was 11, was C-Cup before I was 14. By 15, I had the DD's that I've got now. Naturally, I was eye candy for hormonal teenage boys and running around, bouncing all over the place just drew more unwanted attention. Nobody likes being stared at like they're a piece of meat, but that was the least of my problems. If men are pigs and assholes, women are Satan incarnate. I got so much grief in the locker-room and everywhere else from my female classmates.

They all thought I was after the guys they were with or wanted, even though I had one of my own. Somehow, it was my fault that all their guys stared at me. I wasn't like I am now, I did everything I could to hide my body. I can't help it that almost everything I wear gets filled up with boob. I got so many threats from other girls for something I couldn't control. Then threats turned to getting shoved around in busy hallways between classes, being tripped, having food and drinks "accidentally" spilled on me, just so much abuse.

You also have to remember (people of the 80s/90s) that digital media was big when I was in school and I was having males and females taking pictures and videos of me without me knowing. Videos/GIFs of me running in PE still exist, for all I know. I've had many of them removed from websites, but they say that once it's out there, it's never totally gone. There are upskirt pictures and there were nudes of me changing in the locker-room, but luckily they were deleted by Facebook because it was considered child porn.

I don't consider myself bisexual, I don't really have much attraction to men at all anymore. I didn't have many friends in school but those that I did have were the outcasts and one was a lesbian. Someone overheard me talking to her about girls one day and it ended up turning into what eventually drove me to finish school early.

It started with "fag/dyke" comments and I eventually realized someone had heard what I said, because no one else knew I liked girls, not even my boyfriend. Then I'd get flack for complimenting someone on a pretty outfit or something. It came to a head in my favorite place, the locker-room. We had one of those national fitness tests that are required or whatever and I'd worked up a sweat. I'd taken like two full showers in PE prior to this, but I needed it. I'm not gonna name names or anything, but three girls accused me of looking at them and attacked me in the shower. They didn't hit me in the face, so it wasn't obvious to anyone and I just kept quiet about it. They also did things to me sexually that I'd rather not go into here.

After that, I was done with school. I worked day and night at home and went to an office for tests and stuff. It took everything I had to get the work done and meet the requirements, but I got my diploma at 16. I didn't go to graduation, just got it in the mail.

So, that's a tidbit of what Rei has heard from me. I'm kinda down today, hence the title of the post. We're just gonna stay in for the most part, maybe take a walk just to get out later.

The Itsy Bitsy Spider.

Thank you to those that read here, even if you don't comment! 

Love you, Rei, Adra, my family and furry babies! You keep me going! ♥

XOXO

♥Lacey♡