I'm really bothered by the fact that throughout my mid/late teens and now my early twenties a question keeps popping up about my personality. It's not just from strangers, people on the internet or psychotic siblings either. It has come from friends, family and coworkers. A lot of them have to build up the nerve or try to ask indirectly, its even slipped out in conversation.
They always want to know if I have some childlike fetish or personality disorder that makes me the way I am. Because I like cute things and buy lots of things with cartoony designs or characters on them, etc., I must be some weirdo that wants to stay a little girl forever and then sexualizes all of it. It really hurts me that people think such things.
I've been asked by my sister (who just uses it as another way to insult and hate me), many former friends, my ex, my mom and a few people who work here. Rei has never brought it up, but I've talked to her about it and she's said that even if I did have some sort of disorder her feelings for me wouldn't change and she doesn't think I'm some sort of sicko. I overheard a conversation between two people here this morning (Not Cathy or Janice, I've talked to both of them about this) talking about how Rei must feel like a pedophile when she's with me and how my work area looks like it belongs to a five year old girl... That I'm a sick little dyke who needs help. I've been holding back tears and anger all day. These women are always so nice to me to my face, always complimenting me and they were so happy for me when I got married. I don't visit my co-workers or anything, but I like to consider them friends. Some friends.
Everything boils down to sex, it's fucking disgusting. What fucking business is it of anyone as to what I do or how I act with my wife behind closed doors? Maybe there is something wrong with me, but if so, am I hurting you or anyone? Does my personality or anything I do affect your lives in any way? As long as I'm not hurting anyone and I'm happy and not forcing myself or my way of life on you, mind your own fucking business. What I spend my money on, my sex life, how I decorate or what I wear is my goddamn business and if your life is so empty that you have to sit there and let your mind concoct sick fantasies about what I do in bed, maybe it's time to stop worrying about me and work on you.
No pictures today, wouldn't want to gross anyone out or turn them away with my child fetish... Gonna go cry in the bathroom now.
That...is simultaneously the weirdest and stupidest shit I've ever heard. They think you're sick because you like cute things? Have they heard of Japan?! This is not a new thing. Wow... I just have no explanation for this at all. I've never heard of anyone being accused of this strangeness before. Maybe if you wore diapers to work and insisted on everyone calling you Wa Wa? I'm sorry this has hurt your feelings so much, Lace. These people are SO weird... It's almost too ass-brained to be malicious. Like they're so profoundly stupid that they can't separate "Hey, I like cute stuff." from "Bang me in my diaper, Mommy."
ReplyDeleteIn no way are you sick. I mean, you have nightmares and those are balls, agreed. But as far as liking cute stuff and being sexy about it? I don't think that's even a thing in the DSM, and they've thought of EVERYTHING. If it's fucked up, it's in there. And even if it were sick? Then, yeah, basically all of Japan has this horrible disease and should be quarantined. Because reasons?
This species is embarrassing. On behalf of humanity, I'd like to apologize for all of us. Hopefully we'll all die soon.
Love you. Mentally stab the idiots.
It's sort of like a reverse Lolita fetish. Instead of being the one that's fixated on the young girl, they think she wants to be the young girl; That she wants to be seen as an innocent sex object. A lot of people see people who wear Lolita & EGL fashion regularly that way. I've been asked why I want to look like a little girl many times myself. Either way, it's disgusting that people think this way. That sex is the first thing that comes to mind rather than oh, I don't know, "You look nice/pretty" fuck humanity.
ReplyDeleteIt's not just her clothes or her adorable items, it's her voice, her height and she just has a very innocent, warm aura about her. She's a good person and she's different, people don't understand or feel threatened and therefore they must tear her apart and bring her down. She does have childlike ways in some things, but she also had a very fucked up childhood thanks to that fucking sister of hers and even though they didn't do anything technically bad, her parents sheltered her from a lot of things.
She came home very depressed and if I'd gone to pick her up today, there would be a couple of two-faced cunts in the hospital and I'd be in jail. I know I can't protect her from everything, but I just can't see her be any more emotionally damaged than she is already. I'm sorry this happened, Lacey, honey. I do not, nor would I ever think of you in this way. This world is so fucking consumed with sex and perverting everything. The fucked up thing is the majority of the ones that are guilty of it aren't the perverts and sex offenders, it's the media and the religious zealots. The "good, wholesome" folks. Extra snuggles, hugs and kisses for Laceybug tonight. :3
Rei~
Thank you both so very, very much! I'm incredibly honored to have the two of you in my corner. You don't have to apologize for humanity, Adra. You are not like them, you are better and they don't deserve your voice. And Rei is right about my childhood. My sister tried to take it away and my parents didn't let me grow up. I won't go into the things about Brianne, but that I'm not just an empty shell of a person living in some home or institution is a miracle in itself. Thank you both for all of the unconditional love and support in the few months I've known you. They have been the best few months of my life.
ReplyDeleteOh, and I'm not sure if I've mentioned it, but I can hire and fire people here now. One of the girls talking shit yesterday was my first hire, she was Karen's replacement. She is here on a trial basis and we just didn't think she was right for our company... :)
Love you both! XOXO ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥